Monday, November 28, 2011


Up until now I was just a  passive reader of the numerous blogs. I have been writing every now and then , but only privately for myself, never for the public display. But something happened. There is always something that pushes us to do something out of our comfort zone, out of our little comfort zone and makes us to do things that are uncomfortable and unusual for us.
Up until now I've been generally happy and loving person, a mom, a wife , a sister and a friend.
Up until now I've been able to deal with my demons on my own and I think I've done pretty good job.
Up until now my world was huge and full of adventure, with very cozy and carefully created private safety of my home, where I would retreat to heal if something bothered me.
Up until now my world was safe and comfortable, I traveled this world putting thousands of miles every month on my frequent traveler card, discovering new countries and new people and always coming back to the safety of my family.
Up until now I've been so happy that it was almost ridiculous.
Well, not anymore.
Now the pain is my best friend.

They say the first step to healing is to accept the truth, be rational and be able to verbalize the facts. So here i am doing it.

Fact 1: on the Thursday , of November the 25-th, on the Thanksgiving day, my little daughter , my 5 years old princess, whose life has been all about the pink , her coloring books , the puppies and all the other things that any little girl is carrying about got sexually assaulted by her 15 years old cousin in her aunt's house while her dad and her uncle who loved her very much were right there frying a turkey just a few steps away.

Fact 2: I was not there to save her, I was with my sister-in-low cooking our part of the holiday dinner while it was all happening just a few miles away, absolutely clueless and blind sided by the fact that she was in fact with her dad in the house of the people who were supposedly our family.

Fact 3: I was able to talk to her and make her to talk to me. There is a lot of trust and a lot of love and we are the good people and raise our kids well and having it all we were able to find out what had happened right away. She was really brave to tell everyone that he was wrong by lying that she had not been there in that room with him and innocent enough to think  that all she ever had done - was helping her cousin to put a lotion on his penis while he had the "wholes" on his hands.

Fact 4: We went through a worst nightmare any parents feared about by going to police and filing the charges against the child we have known for all his life and letting a detective to talk to our girl, while all i wanted was just to swaddle her in the safety blanket of my love and run away.

Fact 5: He was put in jail the very same night and confessed later on.

Fact 6: My life and my family is ruined and we will never be able to have another Thanksgiving dinner ever again.

Fact 7: I am in own personal hell and cannot see the way out.

So, here I am crying for help from anyone who has the tools or knows how to deal with the amount of pain and gilt  we are going through now and who knows how to deal with the girl who is a sexual assault victim without the realizing this fact yet.

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